In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

I don't want to dream anymore but then again, I do. I see your little face and those eyes stairing back at me and I reach out to touch you but your not there. My dreams feel real and then I wake up with a pounding heart and tears in my eyes.

No one understands me, you understood me. I keep waiting for you to walk through the door just one more time. I pray for you to come back, but my prayers are not answered. I wisper your name each time I pass your room. I step into your closet and I see the toys that you once played with. I swear that I still hear your voice calling out to me.

Sometimes at night, I hear footsteps by the bed, is it you? I want it to be you. I want to be able to reach out and touch you one more time just to feel your warm heart beating against mine.

I cry, oh how I cry and no one seems to hear me. I scream on the inside and I beat myself up just waiting for that moment when I will see you again.

Why do my dreams scare me? Because their not real.

Remember the car that I bought, the little red convertible? Oh, how you laughed when we dropped the top as we were driving down the road. We were on our way to Autumn’s graduation, remember?

I remember…. It was a Thursday and cold but you insisted that we had to drive like that because you said we were cool, you were cool. We drove for four hours with the top down. I was freezing like always and I was afraid that you would catch a cold. I went to raise the top back up and you pleaded with us, with those tear drop eyes of yours. You had my heart, you still have my heart.

Driving with the wind in our hair and our hands reaching for the sky like we were on a roller coaster ride. Remember? You were laughing and carrying on to the sound of the radio. I can still remember what song was playing that day. Knocken on Heaven’s door by Guns N’ Roses came on the radio. You pleaded with us to turn the radio up; you said you couldn’t hear it and that it was your favorite song. We nearly blew my speakers that day and the left speaker still does not work over half of the time.

The memories we built that day was full of like and inspiration. I kept that little red convertible because it was the one of the best memories that I had with you. I dream about that day and the way you were so cold that you covered up with my shirt that I had laying in the back seat, but you didn’t want the top up. Why? Why did you have to leave me and my little red convertible? We had built so many memories around it.

I can’t part with the little red convertible. I drive with your smile looking back at me through a picture. I drive with the top down and I remember that day, the day you told me that you were the happiest boy in the world. Your dad and I had to buy you a pair of sunglasses because you said you had to be cool like us, with the top down and the wind blowing in your hair. You were the one who stole my heart. You were the one who made me remember what it was like to be young again.

I want you back, I want you riding shot gun beside me with the top down and us flying down the road like we were that day. I would give anything to have that day one more time