In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

I can't believe that it has been three years. It still feels like yesterday and I am still sad. I can't feel your presence anymore and it scares me. I still think about you and the pain hasn't subsided any. I no longer dream about you as often as I had. I still miss you though.

I keep asking myself when will the pain go away. I feel a whole in my heart and I can't seem to fill it. I dread tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day that you were taken from me so quickly. So quickly that I still can't believe it. There isn't a moment that doesn't go by that I am not wondering what you would have become or even looked like.

Today was your brother Austin's graduation. I can't believe that he has finally graduated high school. You would be so proud of him. From what I hear, he is getting a football scholarship. Brie is also becoming a young man. Brie is good looking and can't seem to stay away from the young girls. It is funny to think that both of them are way taller than I am now. It makes me wonder how tall you would be.

This September you would have been ten years old and a wonderful little boy. It seems like the years have come and gone but everything is still standing still around this day that is so hard for me to swallow.

Autumn still remembers you and this I am thankful for. Christina remembers certain things but I also wonder if its not because of all the wonderful things that we have told her about you. Gracie was so little that she doesn't remember you at all but she still cries her little eyes out at the thought of her brother being gone.

I am sorry that you never go the chance to meet your baby brother but I tell him stories about you and how much you had said you wanted a baby brother. I know that you would have taken care of him the way that you took care of Gracie.

Your dad is doing better but he still has his moments. He is still clumsy as ever and still likes eating popcorn at odd hours of the day. Remember when you guys use to sit and eat popcorn while watching movies? You would always sit on his lap until you fell asleep. I remember everything about you.

As for me, well I am not doing so good. There are days when I feel fine but then there are days that I miss you so much. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I would talk to your dad about you but he has his own demons to battle. I miss you. I would give anything to have you back.

I try to stay focused on other things but life hasn't really given me any other option than to dwell on what happened.

I love you Gaje and I miss you to the extent of not wanting to let you go.