In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

Today is a day of great sorrow for us all. Today, Gaje has been dead for six months. I can't tell you how much my heart aches and how much I wish he was here. I cried, oh, how I cried for him. I dreaded this day even though i knew that it would eventually come.

Six months and it still feels like yesterday. Time has flown by and I can't seem to grasp this world any longer. I went into his room last night and couldn't help but cry. His spiderman boxers where still laying on the floor and there was a drawing in his drawer from where he had just learned to spell his name. He had been practicing and asked me how to spell my name, his dads name, and his baby sisters name. After learning to spell it, he tried to master his writing even more. I miss those memories.

Six months and I still feel the heartache. They say that each day will make it better, they lied. I will never be better. I don't need any help, I will deal with this in my own time but time will not make me better.

I can't stand the dreams that I have of that day and today, has shown me how much my life has been such a bliss without him.

Why does life have to be so hard. I cry every time that it rains. I have memories of Gaje and my family playing in the rain. He use to love the rain.

Now, the rain is like tear drops from heaven and they don't help to mend my broken heart. They only make this pain worse. I can't help but to wonder if he is okay.

I have come to the conclusion that life is not fare and probably never will be. The term, when it rains it pours, well, it's true. This last year has been nothing but a dream of what I wish were not true.

How can so much happen to one happy family? I am angry inside, I can feel my heart burning with anger. I know that it is not good to feel this way but I can't help it. He was only six years old when he was taken from me. I cry, oh, how I cry each night for him. I wait for him to come running through that door but he doesn't and it makes me angry.

I fight back the tears because I know that tomorrow will be a new day but that new day will be the same as it was yesterday. I will wake up without my baby boy and I will reach for him once more, but he will not reach back. I will drive to the cemetary where he lays and talk to him but he won't answer back. And once again, I will have to leave him there by himself until the next day that I go and visit him. I will have to leave him there alone and I had promised him that I would never leave him alone.

I begged God to take me but he didn't. I prayed that I would wake up and he would be here with me but my prayers seem to be unanswered.

They tell me often that he is in a better place, I don't care because he isn't here with me. I just want him back. I just want to hold him one more time and tell him that I love him and that I always have and always will.