In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

Time is moving much slower now and the Spring is almost here. It has been nine months since you died and I can still hear your voice. Many people do not understand because I was only your step-mother to them but I was so much more.

I am glad that I got to watch you grow and tickle you when you came home from school. I am glad that I got to be the one who picked the splitters out of your feet everytime you would climb the fence. I am glad that I got to be the one who played with you out in the rain.

Gaje, please help me, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I stay silent but I am screaming inside. I watch the other kids playing with their parents, I begin to get so angry inside. I plead and I beg but nothing comes.

I seek for answers but in the midst of it all, I only see your face. What does this mean? I dream of you but I still wake up with an empty heart.

My emotions have gotten the best of me today and I miss you so much.

I recently had a comment in my guestbook by another mother who had loss her son two years ago. Here is her son's website if you don't mind checking it out; In Memory of Noah

She also posted a poem that was so beautiful that I had to share it with you all because it reminded me of the way I fell inside.


In Memory of You
I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.
I read an old card
sent many years ago
during a time of turmoil and confusion.
The soothing words written then
still caress my spirit
and bring me peace.
I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?
Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.
I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.
Your spirit has become for me
a guardian angel on high
guiding, advising, and watching over me.
I remember you.
You are with me
and I am not afraid.

(Kirsti A. Dyer)

I would like to tell her thank you so thank you Kathrin

Well, it's me again. Just thought I would give you an update on how things are going. Jessie and the boys took you a Valentine's Day card to the grave site. I know I haven't been out their in a little while but I will be here soon. My car quit working and your dad finally got it fixed.

I can't believe that it has been nine months since you died. It still feels like yesterday and I can still here your voice.

Gracie looks more and more like you everyday. I think that it's funny to see your baby sister smile, it reminds me so much of your smile.

I found a picture of you the other day. It was one that I took when it snowed. You begged me to let you go outside while we waited for your dad to come home from work. When I finally told you that you could, you took off outside with no coat on, no shoes, and in a pair of shorts. I cracked up laughing and told you to get back in the house and put some more clothes on.

By the time that we got outside, the sun had come out and the snow was starting to melt. You and Brie built a snowman in the neighbors yard just so you could jump on it and knock it down.

About an hour after we had been outside, your dad came home from work and jumped out of the truck and started throwing snow balls at us. We had so much fun that day and I am glad that I have those pictures to remember it.

I miss you so much and my heart aches every time I think about you not being here. Your dad has had a really hard time, so if you could, please visit him in a dream and let him know that you are okay.

I love you.

I had another dream about you. I am starting to think that there is a reason behind all of my dreams. It still scares me when I wake up and your not there. I wish you were here with me.

The cemetery should have your headstone ready soon and it looks so pretty. I can't wait until they put it out there, I hate going and staring at the ground, it will be much easier on me when I can see your picture staring back at me.

It seems strange to get excited over something like this but what else do I have to get excited over?

I wish you were here. Gracie sort of took over on your room. We have all your little toys and things to remember you by on a shelf in your room but Gracie goes in there to play. I hope that she will remember you when she gets older.


WE talk about you all the time and people seem to get tired of listening to us so we started just talking to each other about it. I think about you often and I hope that you are safe.

I'm sorry that this happened and I wish that I could take it back. I would trade you places if I could. It still feels like a bad dream and I can't seem to wake up from it.

I love you and you will always be my baby boy with his big brown eyes and that perfect smile.