In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

I got a letter in the mail a couple of days ago from the DA's office. I don't want to testify and neither does my husband but we have to. It is hard enough that I relive that day everyday of my life and that when I close my eyes at night, I see him laying there helplessly. I want this to all end. I am tired of feeling like i have no control.

I don't know how the trial will turn out. I do know that, I miss my baby boy. How can ones life change in a split second the way that ours did. I would give anything to have one more day with him.

I don't want our kids to grow up without their brother and with only faded memories. I am told to be thankful for the time that we spent with him, but it makes me so angry inside. I don't even know who to be angry at.

I feel like I am losing control. His grave is now covered with grass and the last time that I went there, I took the girls with me. His sister, Autumn, kept asking me why this happened. I try to explain it to her and it is the hardest thing to try to do.

Autumn and Gaje, were one year apart lacking four days. They ended up in the same grade because of the way that their birthdays fell. They were best buds. Now, Autumn is afraid to go outside, she is afraid of the dreams that she keeps having of him. She is scared that she will never see him again.

My life, has turned to shit.