In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

I can’t seem to figure out my place in this world and I am trying very hard to remember a time when I was happy. I closed my eyes today and thought back to that time I had first met you, you were a happy child, always making someone laugh. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and I can still hear your voice. I use to laugh because you could never pronounce my name correctly but you always smiled each time I would try to correct you. We made a joke out of it so much that your dad actually changed my name in his phone so it would display Rora instead. I moved back down to your Grandma Maria’s and I’m not too happy here. The kids seem to be adjusting fine but I am having a very difficult time. I don’t understand a lot that has been going on and I am confused about it. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a heaven and I know that if there is one, then you’re in it. Why wouldn’t you be? No one could ever resist that smile of yours and that laugh, oh how I miss that laugh. I haven’t dreamed of you in years like I use to and I’m not even sure what that means. I use to get so angry when someone or something would wake me up from a dream about you. It was the only time I got to see your face and I would get so excited about bed time because I knew that it meant a chance that I would see you again. I don’t have those dreams anymore but this doesn’t mean that I have forgotten you, I could never do that. Trevor’s first t-ball game nearly made me cry, it brought back memories of you playing on the field. I loved watching you and he is just as good as you were and looks just like you. I even took out a photo of you the other day and he asked me if it was him. I smiled and told him it wasn’t and he said, “Gaje and I are like twins but from a different year.” I smiled so big when he said this because he is a spitting image of you, right down to his voice. He even has the same double crown that you had and he loves to spike his hair. I miss so much about you but the one thing that I miss the most is how you, with a hug, would always make me feel like everything was going to be alright. I miss those hugs and I could sure use one right now. I feel the weight of the world on me and I feel like I am suffocating. Nothing makes sense anymore and I know it’s not supposed to always make sense but every once in a while would be alright by me. Anyways, I have to go now but just know that I love you and I am always thinking of you.