In Memory of Gaje Jeffrey Florence

I miss you baby boy. Seven years without you and I can still hear your voice. I can see your smile and I miss that smile. I want to hold you so badly. I haven't stopped dreaming about you and in a way I am kind of thankful for that; at least I get to see you somehow. I talked to your dad today...he was pretty upset, I'm upset. Life has never been the same without you. There is a hole in my heart that can't be filled. A hole so deep that it makes the Grand Canyon look like a tiny pin hole...that's how much I miss you little man. I have never fully understood how something like this could happen and I don't believe that I ever will. All I know is that I want you back. I have struggled through this for so long and no one seems to understand. I will never forget that time that you did the sprinkler in the kitchen while I was washing the dishes. Always such a silly boy. I laughed so hard. I play that memory in slow motion each time I'm sad because it always brings a smile to my face. Your brother and sisters are doing good. Gracie, your little partner in crime, looks a lot like you and so does your little brother. I hate that you never got a chance to meet him. You guys would have gotten along so well. I cried so hard when they told me that I was having a little boy because you kept asking when you were going to have a little brother. I guess it was the universes way of telling me that things wouldn't always be so bad and that one day my tears would turn to laughter at the memories of you. I no longer live in the city. I honestly didn't think that I could ever leave that house because that is where I helped raise you but it is also where you died. I had so many memories there but each time I pulled into the driveway I got that feeling again. I didn't like watching you lay there lifeless...I didn't like driving back into that driveway because all those memories from that day would come crashing back and I would find myself begging for you to be there. I pleaded to every God that I knew that day for me to take your place. I made every promise I could and your still not with me. I don't understand why this happened and I am so tired of not being able to see you face. I need you right now. I'd give anything to have you here with me. Life isn't the same and I'm sorry. What do you do when the world that you know comes crashing down over and over again? I love you and I miss you sweet boy.